Embracing Transformation:
My Life Coaching Voyage begins
I'm embarking on an exciting new journey by starting sessions with a life coach, Grace Peng.
Interestingly, Grace and I share a past connection where she was once my voice student. Today, she stands as a figure of inspiration—being ten years my senior, she embodies a decade's worth of wisdom and has evolved into her most creative and impactful self. As she steps into the role of a mentor, I find myself in a unique position to learn from her.
To kick start this journey, I completed a comprehensive questionnaire designed by Grace to unearth my personal challenges and areas for growth. The process of answering these questions was more than just an exercise; it was a deep dive into my own vulnerabilities, which I've decided to share in this blog post.
Admittedly, the thought of making these inner musings public fills me with a sense of apprehension, a clear indication of their genuine and raw nature. Yet, it is precisely this feeling of vulnerability that convinces me of the importance of sharing them. Through this post, I hope to provide a candid glimpse into my personal explorations and the discoveries I anticipate making with Grace's guidance.
Which aspects of your life are most energizing or supportive?
Performing invigorates me; it's when I feel most at home and not at all unwell. However, I'm aware that it can be physically demanding, necessitating careful balance to avoid becoming overwhelmed. The foundation of my well-being lies in harmonizing my creative endeavors—particularly in writing and integrating others' concepts with my unique ideas. This extends to expressing these thoughts through music, which significantly enriches my life. I thrive on methodical, deliberate work that is deeply rooted in authenticity. Breaking down large projects into small, manageable steps enables me to maintain both my physical and emotional health, allowing for gradual, consistent progress.
Which aspects of your life are most frustrating or draining?
I find myself deeply frustrated when financial worries lead me to panic and feel a sense of scarcity. This often results in a flurry of haphazard ideas and ventures, typically chasing quick profits, which stray far from my true, grounded self. Such endeavors momentarily excite me but quickly leave me feeling unbalanced and out of control, as they aren't aligned with my more deliberate and authentic approach to work.
There's a lingering fear that the thoughtful, steady work that fulfills me might not be financially viable. This anxiety is compounded by the energy drain I experience when creating content for a perceived online audience that seems indifferent or even resentful towards me. Although it's easier to try to win their approval, I recognize this pattern and strive to redirect my efforts towards work that is personally meaningful.
Despite dreaming of establishing a coaching practice—where I genuinely feel at home and know I can excel—I often find myself discouraged by the fear of saturation in the field and doubts about my value in such a crowded market. This contradiction between my aspirations and my fears is profoundly frustrating. I sometimes wonder if I’m romanticizing the coaching thing. Would I be better off writing a series of books?
Name three specific things you’re hoping to get from this coaching engagement.
Clarity in how to proceed.
Discipline in making a commitment.
Work on heading towards an abundance mindset rather than a lack mindset.
What are a few challenges you’re currently facing?
I'm currently faced with the pressing worry of funding my college education. Kurt, who struggles with self-advocacy at his job, finds it challenging to request a raise, which puts additional financial pressure on me to contribute more. This situation is daunting, as I fear it might exacerbate my health issues. My past experiences with illness have left me with a form of PTSD, and I often find myself managing symptoms throughout the week. To cope, I engage in various activities like meditation, contemplation, walking, reading, and using comforting items like my heat pack to soothe my nervous system and protect my immune system. This ongoing battle makes it difficult to find work that accommodates my need for such self-care routines. Writing, however, has become a sanctuary for me. It's a pursuit I can engage in even on my difficult days, allowing me to delve into deep thought and achieve a sense of accomplishment, which I deeply value.
What’s your greatest fear?
Kurt dying, me running out of money because I can’t work (especially at something physical because I’m basically disabled) and having to do it anyway, and then dying early as a result. I do have a belief that I’m going to die early, like my dad, but honestly that doesn’t so much scare me. In fact, I think I’m more worried that I’ll live a long life, but suffer the entire time, because of how yucky I feel a lot of my life. I’m worried I’ll feel this way forever. Usually I can overcome this fear by staying in the moment, or getting into a creative moment of flow, where I forget that I don’t feel well.
If you could wave a magic wand and change anything in your life, what would it be?
To find peace in the understanding that I am enough, without the need for showing off. Also, eight million dollars would be nice, lol!
How do you usually feel in your everyday life? How do you want to feel?
Lately, I've been feeling particularly anxious due to a combination of global events and personal challenges, especially in parenting. My children are at pivotal stages of their lives—one is on the cusp of adulthood and the other is navigating puberty. These are significant periods of development for them, and for me as well, which naturally brings about anxiety. I find this time especially demanding because I am, for the most part, the sole figure of discipline in our home, and also the only one who does not have ADHD.
My anxiety is also fueled by the uncertainty in my professional life. I am at a crossroads, trying to navigate a transition without a clear roadmap. Although instinctively I am moving towards what feels like my true essence, abandoning my usual approach of applying sheer force to accomplish goals in favor of a more intuitive, slow, and steady method proves to be a challenging shift. This new approach, while necessary, is difficult for me to adapt to.
What are you committed to doing in the next 90 days to move your life in the
direction you want?
Currently, I am deeply engaged in creative endeavors, including a specific commitment to write daily for 100 days, approaching this challenge with no expectations. This practice is fulfilling and nourishing for me. When considering additional commitments, I am open to exploring a wide range of actions. However, the idea of not worrying about finances for 90 days, although seemingly beneficial, feels daunting and almost unattainable. Perhaps, acknowledging this challenge and aiming to reduce financial worries during this period could be a meaningful commitment to pursue.
