Confronting the Shadow Audience
Navigating the Murky Waters of Self-Doubt and Inner Resistance to Unleash Authentic Creativity
I spend a lot of time, much more than I care to admit, creating for my Shadow Audience.
I've been thinking A LOT about social media. I feel strangled by it. I know that it is terrible for me. Daily I trigger my anxiety by constantly trying to create for an audience I see as a part of my shadow self.
The shadow self, is defined loosely as the unconscious desires and traits we would rather hide away as part of our identity. This shadow harbors all that we prefer to keep hidden, not just from the world, but often from ourselves.
It's an delectable tray of traits and treats we'd rather not own up to, yet the shadow undeniably influences our thoughts, actions, and, you guessed it- our creative outputs.
But I have something else that I’ve become very aware of in the past few years.
I call it my "Shadow Audience."
This is an imaginary cohort I unconsciously (and now fairly consciously) create for, whose tastes and preferences are shaped by the parts of ourselves we keep hidden.
Just like the shadow self, the shadow audience exists in a space that's both intimate and hidden.
I envision my audience as a murky, shadowy crowd of nodding heads, watching with a blend of judgment, disgust, and lurking disapproval. Their whispers cut through, casting doubts with remarks like, “That doesn’t sound intelligent,” or “How foolish you look.” Or maybe “Nobody gives a shit about this!”
This Shadow Audience isn't guided by empathy or love, like my real audiences are; it's driven by fear.
I know I'm pandering to my shadow audience when I hastily share something online, chasing a quick rush of validation, or when I'm doubting my career progress and compulsively try to portray an image of having everything under control.
It's a challenging balance—promoting my work while not letting shortcuts through my shadow self dictate my actions.
I find myself crafting for my shadow audience in moments of anxiety, clinging to the hope that this time the outcome will change.
It will not.
This type of creative endeavor is like reaching for junk food—it's the easy, immediate gratification that lacks real sustenance.
I should be nourishing my creativity with the equivalent of a wholesome, nutrient-rich meal—engaging in deep, focused work that anchors me to my true self. Yet, in those moments, I default to the comfort of the familiar, like for instance replaying an old video of myself dancing. Just me? Nah, I bet not.
So, what to do?
Gosh, I don’t know. I’m very (VERY) much in the throws of this problem and so I’m writing this for myself.
So I will put together a little comparison between embracing the shadow self versus embracing the shadow audience.
But rather than doing a comparison of the shadow self as brought to us by Carl Jung, I think I’ll revisit the work of Phil Stutz and his concept of “Part X”
I highly recommend Jonah Hill’s documentary with Phil Stutz.
Phil Stutz, a psychiatrist with a distinctive method for therapy and self-improvement, calls a concept similar to Jung's shadow self "Part X." Unlike Jung's shadow, which includes traits we ignore or deny, Stutz's Part X also focuses on our inner resistance but is explained through his unique therapy approach.
Let’s apply his technique on Part X work, and apply it to the shadow audience instead of shadow self.
Identify the Shadow Audience's Characteristics: Start by defining what the shadow audience represents for you personally. This might include fears, criticisms, or expectations you project onto an imagined audience that hinder your creative expression.
Acknowledge Part X's Influence: Recognize that the shadow audience is essentially a manifestation of Part X. It's the part of you that feeds on doubts and insecurities, discouraging you from putting forth your authentic work due to fear of judgment or failure. Try to be honest about how much this is affecting your creative output on a daily basis.
Understand Its Tactics: Pay attention to the specific ways in which this shadow audience influences your behavior. Does it make you procrastinate, water down your ideas, or avoid sharing your work altogether? If it does, the shadow audience is gaining power. Do something that might help you get back some of the power.
Confrontation Through Tools: Utilize tools and exercises designed by Stutz to confront and manage the influence of Part X. This might mean building a practice that encourages vulnerability, and resilience, helping you to act despite the imagined disapproval of your shadow audience. Confrontation=muscle building.
Transform Resistance into Action: Every time you face resistance from the shadow audience (Part X), use it as a cue to take action. This might mean sharing your work even when it feels imperfect, pursuing projects that scare you, or simply committing to authentic expression in the face of doubt. Do it anyway, even if you show it to one friend.
Reframe Your Relationship with Failure: Stutz encourages seeing failure and criticism as opportunities for growth. Try to view feedback from real audiences in this light, and remind yourself that the shadow audience's criticism is ultimately a distortion created by your own fears. Easier said than done, huh?
Continuous Practice: Working with Part X is an ongoing process. Keep applying these techniques to navigate the challenges posed by your shadow audience, reinforcing your commitment to creativity and authenticity. It’s just like meditation. It’s always going to be hard, you’re not going to want to sit with the uncomfortableness, but you keep trying.
The shadow audience plays a significant role in my life, constantly whispering reminders of dwindling time, my age, and the seeming futility of my efforts in a world where "everything has been done."
My task, then, becomes a daily, sometimes hourly, exercise in self-assurance, to persistently remind myself that the shadow audience, no matter how loud or persuasive it may seem, doesn't hold the ultimate truth about my capabilities or worth.
The truth (and I really need to work hard to convince myself this is the truth) lies in the courage to continue creating and sharing work with the world, driven not by fear or comparison, but by the desire to contribute my voice, regardless of the outcome.
Regardless of the outcome.
Regardless of the outcome.
Should I say it again?
Regardless of the outcome.
