A Conversation with (Insert your word here)
The Inner God: Navigating Midlife's Spiritual Dialogue
Before my father passed away, he gave me with his copy of "Conversations With God." I admit, I was always skeptical about this book. Despite my reservations, I held on to it, sensing its significance. Notably, it contained a note to me in my dad's handwriting within its sleeve, so I wasn’t going to give that away to Goodwill.
As a younger person, I was put off by the mere mention of God in the title. I grappled with the concept of God, and I was convinced that the author was merely engaging in a monologue, cleverly disguised as some sort of “divine dialogue”. This seemed to me, a gimmick—a way to craft a conversation with "God," document it, and market a book. And sell a shit ton of copies. My cynical side failed to recognize that I was on the verge of doing something remarkably similar.
As I transition into midlife, I've begun the journey from the first stage of adulthood, which spans ages 12 to 40, to the next phase, known as the second adulthood of authentic being. This period marks a transformation where deeper self-awareness and genuine existence become the focal points of life.
Currently, I find myself navigating the complexities of midlife, caught between two opposing forces. On one side, there's the comforting familiarity of the known—family, friends, the art I excel in, and the teaching positions I've grown accustomed to. On the other side lies the uncharted territory of the unknown. My seeker self is still taking shape; I can only discern a vague outline of who she might be. Yet, she exudes confidence, stands firm in her knowledge and ideas, and is less swayed by the opinions of others.
The middle passage of life can feel isolating as you let go of much of your past and experiment with new roles that fit your evolving self.
As I lay the groundwork for my spiritually creative endeavors, I realize that much of this work involves engaging in a dialogue with God.
Side note: I still don't really love the word "God"—it kind of makes my stomach turn, likely due to cultural programming, but I'll use it anyway. Feel free to substitute your preferred term here: The Universe, A Higher Power, Source, The Divine... honestly, all of those terms kind of make my stomach turn as well, but I’ll leave it there.
This process, once dismissed as mere self-talk, has now become central to my creative transformative journey.
Now that I'm older and frankly less defensive about others dictating what God is or isn't—especially regarding concepts I don't fully grasp—I've come to the conclusion that in this scenario, the "God" is indeed myself.
And who would have guessed that my latest creative endeavor would turn out to be a Conversation with God—a dialogue with myself?
